25 Random Things (Jess in Vietnam Edition), Jesse Maddox

Slate and Salon recently ran pieces about an internet meme called "25 Random Things". Essentially, people wrote a facebook note with 25 random things about them, then tagged 25 of their friends in the note. Those friends were then encouraged to do the same. I've been remiss in not providing a solid update on what's been going on since I moved to Vietnam. That said, I think a 25 random things is in order- it allows me to cover a lot of ground without the need for some grandiose narrative arc to hold all my thoughts together. So, here goes, 25 random things related to the last two months since I've been in Vietnam.

Crossing the street in Vietnam, I feel like I'm playing the human version of Frogger on level 20. There aren't designated crosswalks typically, and the sheer volume of traffic (85% motorbikes, 10% cars, 5% buses) can be terrifying. You have to take one step at a time and remember that you don't get multiple lives!

Nearly as bad as the actual pollution in Vietnam is the noise pollution. The roads are dominated by motorbikes, and everyone makes liberal use of their horns. Often times, its born out of frustration as much as it is necessity, but either way its a huge annoyance. I've started counting how many different beeps I hear in a given ten second period, and usually I'll hear more than 10 in that time period. I'm just thankful everyone's not armed.

Vietnamese is an extremely difficult language for a foreigner, with six tones (one more than Chinese) and a strong emphasis on pronunciation. Sometimes, I'll repeat over and over the name of the road I'm trying to go to, and if I'm trying to go Pasteur Street, I'll say"Pass tuer, Pahtoo-er, Pashtoo-er, Patoor, Passtoor". All to no avail. Then I'll write it down, and the motorbike driver will say "Ahhhh, Pass-Toor". I have no effing idea why he didn't understand me when I said it the EXACT same way, but apparently its very difficult for the Vietnamese to understand unless you say it perfectly, on account of the emphasis on pronunciation. Sometimes its funny, usually I'm just left scratching my head.

If you haven't already, check out fmylife.com. I found it two weeks ago and I laugh out loud every time I check it.

I went kitesurfing for the first time four weeks ago in Munei, a pleasant beach three hours from Saigon. Scary as hell. The kites are extremely powerful, as you'll know if you've ever seen the videos of guys getting launched twenty feet in the air with them. When I first got in the water with the kite, I was immediately launched six feet into the air, leaving my instructor behind before getting slammed into the water and being dragged by the kite face-first. I could barely breathe, the instructor was shouting "pull the release!", and it took me a good fifteen seconds of madness before I could release the kite, stop the insanity and enjoy a breath of nice air. Things got better from there, and you haven't heard the last about me and kitesurfing.

In both Saigon (Ho Chi Minh, officially) and Hanoi I've got a motorbike, which is both practical and a lot fun. I've got a motorcycle license in the states, so I was really looking forward to having a bike here. That said, its not like I'm cruising on the open road with the wind in my hair passing beautiful scenery. I'm driving in the city, with dirty air, potholes, and insane traffic. Still, riding a motorbike is a great way to learn a city, and you don't have that feeling of separation from your environment that you get while riding a car, which you probably wouldn't even notice if you haven't ever ridden a motorcycle.

Speaking of motorbikes, I've only been in one near-crash, and I wasn't the driver. I let a friend drive since it was night-time, the streets were empty, and she'd only driven one once. Somehow, we ended up on the highway, and a truck was crossing from left to right way up ahead. In a calm manner, I started saying "Stop, slow down, you're not gonna beat that truck, slow down," all to no avail. When at last it became apparent that a ghastly fate awaited us if we didn't stop immediately, she slammed the brakes, and we wobbled and skidded to a stop mere inches from the truck. Next time, I'M DRIVING.

This past weekend I saw a motorbike crash happen right in front of me, something I've been told to expect more of. Near a junction two bikes driving beside each other got tangled up, and both bikes (and 6 people total) flipped over together. The people went flying, the bikes were turned to bits, but miraculously everyone was ok. Everyone got up, looking more embarrassed than anything, and without a word picked up the pieces of their bikes and took them to opposite sides of the road. The fact that an accident had just happenned didn't stop the cars behind them from honking their horns over and over, without regard to whether anyone was OK and ignoring the fact that there was a legitimate reason that accounts for why they were being held up.

As an American living abroad, I'm very conscious (and reminded constantly) what a great thing it was for expats to have Obama as president, as he's popular (nearly) EVERYWHERE. One implication of this it seems, is that it puts a lot of pressure on political leaders to follow his lead. If they don't make efforts to work with him on global issues, they'll go against a man that many of their constituents admire, which is a huge change from the days of W. I think this makes it much more likely that a climate agreement that is actually effective will be signed by many countries, especially if Obama is seens as leading the effort.

Today I saw 25 people getting off an elevator meant to hold 15 MAX. INSANE!

In Hanoi at midnight, police come into the bars and force everyone to leave, immediately. No finishing your game of pool, no loitering, you just have to leave. Still haven't figured out why this doesn't apply in Saigon.

Any line here is maddeningly frustrating, because the concept of a "line" doesn't really exist. Everyone just crowds around the ticket booth or whatever, and tries to force their way to the front. At the airport, people will just walk past you in the line and jump in front; you literally have to block their way and stake your claim.

On the roads, there's no room for ego, but at the same time you have to assert your presence and position forcefully. You can't get mad when someone cuts you off, but you also have to signal your intentions and follow through on them so that people don't wander in front of you and cause you to crash.

I recently finished re-reading Shantaram), which has the distinction of being the only book I've read twice that I wasn't required to read. Why does it have that distinction? Because its a beautifully-written epic tale about life, love, choices, and everything in between. I'll write a more detailed review soon, but I HIGHLY recommend it. I've given it to maybe 5 people, and all have loved it and passed it along.

Speaking of good books, Hot, Flat, & Crowded by Thomas Friedman is an excellent book that gives a broad, multi-faceted look at the political, social, technological, and scientific issues surrounding climate change and what's needed to avert disaster. It crystallizes a lot of things that you'd pick up in bits and pieces if you follow the news, and does so in the way that Friedman is so good at. If you nothing about the subject, read it, if you know a lot about it, still read it.

The difference between Northern & Southern Vietnam is similar to the difference between the North & South in the U.S. In the south, people will often go out of their way to be kind or help you if you're lost, the weather is much better (read: warmer), and the atmosphere is a little laid back. In the North, the people and weather are a little colder, and the atmosphere is a little more "hustle and bustle." Just like in the U.S. though, its dangerous to apply these generalities to individuals, as there's a mix of both in each; I'm only talking averages.

Speaking of Thomas Friedman and Hot, Flat, and Crowded: when he had just finished writing the book, he came out of hiding from the public and gave his first talk at Brown to discuss his conclusions. Right at the beginning of the event, two people ran on stage, one hit him with a pie and the other tossed a bunch of fliers into the air. I witnessed this, you can see a video of it on youtube here.

The Vietnamese both surprised and pleased when you speak their language, as many foreigners traveling through make no attempts to learn it at all. I don't completely blame them, as its a demanding language that requires patience to learn and use. I'm starting lessons this week, so hopefully I'll be a decent speaker in two or three months. Most useful Vietnamese phrases I've learned so far (spelling of Vietnamese is incorrect): "Macwa" Too expensive, "Mowt Chai Heineken" One bottle of heineken, "Em moi" waiter!, "kum un" thank you.

As a general statement, in Vietnam the rules specify what you CAN do, rather than what's not allowed. This can be maddening when you're trying to do something reasonable that isn't explicity permitted. Quick example: the "five start" (cough cough) hotel I stayed in the first night I arrived wouldn't allow me to take my glass from the bar to my room, simply because it wasn't explicity allowed.

As in every country I've travelled to, prices for food, clothing, and household goods scale; they fluctuate based on the the income level of that country. Beer, however, does not scale: in Honduras, Bangladesh, Thailand, the Bahamas, and Vietnam, a bottle of beer will set you back $2.

The above doesn't apply to draft beer at "Bia Hois", sidewalk cafes that bring in fresh draft beer every day. The beer doesn't have any preservatives, and you can get a large glass of this fresh brew for $.25.

The sidewalk in Saigon and Hanoi doubles for the kitchen, dining room, living room, and back porch of houses in the U.S. Everything here happens on the street, which makes walking around both interesting and a challenge. The sidewalks are packed, and at night the amount of trash laying around is tremendous, though understandable considering all the stuff that goes on during the day.

Every morning, loudspeakers throughout Hanoi blast with noise from a recorded voice. I'm not sure exactly what it says, but I think the drift of it is: "Wake up, be productive, your government loves you and cares for you." More on this when I figure out the exact contents of the message.

There's a chain here called "Highlands Coffee," and somehow these bastards get away with charging $2.50 for a regular 'ole cup of joe. Vietnam PRODUCES coffee, and the only explanation I can figure for how they can charge Starbuck's prices in a country with a tenth of the average income of the U.S. is because of suckers like me. I go there because its the only place I know that has reliable internet and a plug.

The management team of nearly every multinational company in Vietnam is run by expats. Even with all the Vietnamese people here, there's a shortage of management talent. I plan to apply for a Fullbright next year to investigate this and design a curriculm that helps to address the problem.

Ok, somehow I came up with 25 things, comments welcome!